Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Sex Toy Review: Clone-A-Willy
Bottom line: when having sex with my boyfriend isn’t an option, I still have his dick. I keep it on my windowsill. It’s gorgeous and it’s like a lit lantern burning from a porch, calling to a longing love. All this, thanks to the Glow in the Dark Clone-A-Willy. Clone-A-Willy is a do-it-yourself dildo making system, equipped with liquid skin and molding powders. It comes in a handy tube that is used later in the molding process to hold said molding goop*. If you want the molding process to go smoothly, I suggest spending some time on the instructions. If you don’t like a mess, I don’t recommend it. There is definitely some clean up involved and for an easily stressed soul, I was not looking forward to it. However, I made the best of it and prepared my little clone studio in my kitchen, covering the windows to spare my neighbors. You know what I forgot while my feathers were getting all in a ruff? I forgot about the fluffing and the fun! A little fluff, and you measure. A little fun, and you mix. From here, you got to get a move on so the mixture doesn’t set before the impressionable penis enters the goop. Excess falls to the floor and you wait. Then fill with more goop, insert vibrator and wait for 24 hours.
Upon unveiling, both you and your penis impersonator will giggle with amazement. “I have that many veins?” he may say. The mold misses some of the best part of your man’s unit, being that it can cover only so much ground. This may surprise, perhaps give your man pause, while he contemplates the gender and sexual stereotypes that our society prescribes. Don’t let him fret and utilize your man’s clone soon after! Personally, I slap a condom on that bad boy, since there were some powdery lumps left behind. Remove bothersome growths with a knife and don’t tell your man that you brought a knife to his clone. More about using condoms with your clone: I was nervous about the chemicals that made up this toy, but according to what I have read the material is an organic thermoset polymer that is actually much safer than many of the adult toys currently on the market. Even better! So, thanks Clone-A-Willy, for a useful tool that I get turned on just by looking at. It looks so familiar…
*The word ‘goop’ is used in the most positive, fun way. Let’s take it back!
The Clone-A-Willy is a great concept. I’m glad we were able to try it out. For those who don’t know what this is, it’s a way for you to make a vibrating replica of any penis you have handy…yours, your lover’s, a disinterested 2nd party. But remember this, you cannot do this alone; you need a partner. That being said, whoever is the model for this has to be comfortable enough with the helper (or so damned horny that he doesn’t care) to maintain a good erection throughout the process.
The process isn’t that long, but it’s not the most sexy activity in the world. Now there are ways to make it more sexy. The fluffing I received was both helpful and appreciated…oh, and sexy. The process isn’t all that complicated, you can listen to the audio from the video we put on the show to hear that (in fact, if you haven’t heard it, I insist you go listen to it). It didn’t hurt at all and you do get to stick your junk in some gooey stuff. It looks like the clean up would be a pain, but once the stuff turned into the rubbery substance, it peeled right up, even off of me.
Now comes the strange part…after. For a while, I said that I was cool with auctioning off my junk to the highest bidder with the proceeds going to charity. I still would have. It would have been weird, but a cool thing to do for the show and the charity. But now that we didn’t and I sometimes see it sitting on the windowsill. That’s weird. That’s my dick. On the windowsill. It glows in the dark. That’s my dick. Glowing on the windowsill.
Whomever uses your homemade vibrator, I’d suggest using a condom on it. I’m not saying the stuff that makes the CAW is bad for you, but experts are saying you should probably do it with the commercial toys as well. And dude, it glows in the dark.
So go for the Clone-A-Willy! You will not be disappointed, providing you have a fluffer.
[Special thanks goes out to my fluffer]
NOTE: We will be raffling off a Clone-A-Willy at Rock The Rickets!